bear vs raccoon

Yesterday I saw two huge raccoons in our driveway. No big deal if you live in the suburbs but a very odd thing to see in the middle of Los Angeles. Am I wimp because I don't mess with raccoons? It is funny, I have seen them up close countless times in my life (many of the homes we lived in when I was a child were on the edges of the "woods'). It is funny, I was more anxious about my encounter with the raccoon yesterday than I was when I had a "run-in" with a bear and her cubs last year. Strange, huh? Maybe it was because I was holding my baby yesterday or maybe it is because I am a human and we aren't always the most rational beings.

Run in with a bear, you say? Many of my friends know this story but I think it is crazy enough to repeat here. My wife and I were hiking in the Sequoia National Forest back when we used to hike (new parents should smile right now). We had hiked much further than the average tourist and before we knew it, we realized that we hadn't seen another person for about an hour or so (should that have been a warning). We were having a great time checking out the largest trees ever when we started hearing a weird tapping. So, naturally, I walk over to the nearest normal sized tree and start tapping a similar rhythm (joking with my wife that I have just found the second Ivory -Billed Woodpecker - NPR drove us crazy with this story)... Suddenly, my wife said that she thought she saw something out of the corner of her eye - I continued to joke about the woodpecker when my wife got very very quiet.

I looked up and realized that we were about 25 yards away from a black bear and her cubs. My wife started to run (exactly what they tell you NOT TO DO).. I grabbed her by the nape of her neck (sort of like she was my cub) and put her behind me. The bears would have chased her (it was bad enough she had our lunch in her backpack) because they can't help but chase potential prey carrying desert on her back.

Back to the drama.... Had we not stopped to communicate with the ivory billed woodpecker, we would have crossed right in front of her cubs and it would have been ON AND POPPIN). Anyway, we stood still as the cubs passed in front of us - probably 10 yards away. I had just read that I was supposed to make a bunch of noise, wave my arms and look as large as possible if we encounter a bear. However, the cubs barely acknowledged us so we just stood quietly watched them pass. This plan seemed to be working UNTIL the mother bear passed in front of us - she stopped about 5 -10 yards away from us and took a few steps towards us.. Now, not that I am some macho bad-ass, but, until that moment, I didn't feel an ounce of fear (all I was thinking about was keeping my wife safe). When that momma bear took her steps towards us and I suddenly realized how much danger we were in, my legs went cold. I was trying to think if I could hold off this bear long enough for my wife to get away (we had just watched Grizzly Man and I kept reminding myself that this wasn't a grizzly and that I might walk away from this fight - silly, right?). Obviously, the momma bear decided that I wasn't much of a threat and went back to her cubs. The joke for me has been that she stepped towards me so I wouldn't go home and tell folks that I "punked" a bear - she simply needed to check me! Consider me checked.

So, what does this have to do with a raccoon? Here is the first hint into how my crazy brain works.. Immediately after our encounter, it hit me that that bear could have really hurt us and I kept thinking about the "damage" I have seen angry/cornered raccoons do over the years and it struck me that the bear could have done much much worse. I am not implying that a bear is just a big, bad raccoon but they are playing the same game - sort of like a little league slugger and Barry Bonds both play baseball.

Do I need to buy a big knife and a slingshot? Or should I just call LA animal control-- wait, they don't do house calls anymore...

Our baby fish finally learns to swim

My beautiful 10 ½ month old son had his first official swimming lesson today. What a thrill! Everyone knows that he is a water fanatic – he has loved the water SINCE DAY 1. He loves the bath, any type of running water (he has been taking showers with me since he was 2 months old ), the ocean – he used to fall asleep as soon as I got close to the shore…. I took him in a pool for the first time when he was 4 months old and he was indescribably happy (he was so calm and peaceful – he was mesmerized)..
All of this to say is that the swim lessons were long overdue! But 10 ½ months isn’t exactly late in the game, is it??!! So, today, we put “swimmers” on his little body and drove him to the Lenny Krazelberg Swim school at the JCC in LA. The folks there COULD NOT HAVE BEEN FRIENDLIER – seriously, they made us feel welcome and comfortable immediately and THAT set the tone for the day.

We quickly stripped and jumped into the pool to join the class that had just started! The scene was hilarious – actually.. It was me (6’3” LARGE African American man) along with three mothers and their babies and the teacher. We sang songs and let our babies get comfortable. Then, without warning, came the moment of truth – the instructor stopped the class and announced that it was time for humpty dumpty to fall – YES, we needed to “dunk” our babies under water. On the count of three, we all “blew” on our babies’ faces and dunked them under the water. Our son LOVED IT – he went under and came up with his eyes wide open and smiling! WOW!

OK, so here is one area where daddies may be better suited for “action” than mommies.. I didn’t get a sick feeling when I submerged my tiny little son in chlorine filled water (I wonder if my wife would have been able to do this without crying)… Next up, we were supposed to sit our babies on the edge of the pool and sing the humpty dumpty song and when we got to the part where humpty takes a great fall, we were supposed to pull our babies into the water, blow on their faces and then ease their heads under water. Well, that is nice in theory but our fish-baby kept trying to dive in – I couldn’t get through the song because I had to try to keep our baby from pushing me away to make room for him in the water.. Finally, after a few attempts, I was able to get through the song and partially dunk him (he kept arching his back). The very cool swim instructor took him and did it for me – HE LOVED IT..

I wonder what would have happened if I had just let him go? Would he have worked his way back to the surface?

Finally, one proud father note… our son was the star of the class AGAIN – every time we go to a class, he shines. He loves other babies and he is so easy going that folks can’t stop talking about him – SERIOUSLY!( there are times when it is a little embarrassing). I hope that he continues to love being around other folks and I hope that we continue to do things to nurture his amazing spirit.

My one concern – I worry that Lenny Krazelberg will see Cole in the pool and bar him from his school because he is going to be worried about his records being broken J

A boy and his dog

Every boy should grow up with a dog! Throughout my childhood, we always had a dog in the house. However, I never felt like our dogs were MY dogs. Sure, I was responsible for cleaning up after the dogs and walking them occasionally BUT the dogs ALWAYS loved my mom (she has a great voice for babies and dogs AND she fed the entire family – including the dog!!) and saw my dad as the alpha male. I never got to have a loyal friend that I always dreamt about.

My wife also LOVES dogs. And, for her, the bigger the dog, the better (which is funny because she is only 5’2”). And, while she grew up with dogs too, I think her experience was very similar to mine. However, as an adult, she and her sister had a dog - Hoover – who was her buddy, companion, running/riding partner, foot/bed-warmer, garbage disposal, sounding board, and loyal member of her family. Sadly, they had to put Hoover to sleep three years ago. My wife has healed from that loss and she is ready to add a four – legged member to our family.

I hope that our son will grow up loving dogs like we do! If he doesn’t then he doesn’t but all indications are that he does – HE ABSOLUTELY LOSES HIS MIND WHEN HE SEES THEM ON THE STREET (he lets out a high pitch squeal when he sees them and don’t let one come up to him …. J- it’s like Mardi Gras ). It makes me laugh and smile every time I see him around dogs!

I am not sure I can articulate anything new about why a boy (child) should grow up with dogs but here is why it is important to us. First, he may be an only child (an opportunity cost of having a child at 40) so I hope that having a dog will teach him to think about something else other than himself. I hope that taking care of a dog will teach him to be caring. I hope that, by caring for a living being, he will learn to be responsible, empathetic and nurturing. I hope that he will see his dog as his best buddy and he will look back on his childhood experiences with his dog and smile – they will discover new worlds, swim, camp in the yard, dig holes, keep each other from being bored, spend rainy days together, and even sit in “time out” together. I hope they sleep together. In short, I hope he gets to experience all of the wonderful things that dogs bring to peoples’ lives.

So, the logical question is “why don’t we have a dog?” Short answer – timing and space. We thought about getting a dog before he was born but we decided that we didn’t know exactly what we were getting into so we didn’t want to put ourselves in a situation where our dog would not be getting the attention he deserved. Anyway, we are also STUCK in LA and our space is limited and that would not be fair to the big dog my wife wants. Finally, we decided it might make a little more sense to wait until our son is a little older and he can be a much more active part of the dog’s life.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

Dr. Suess meets Dr. J

One of the most rewarding things in life is to watch people you care about grow up and come into their own! This past weekend, we visited our goddaughters in Northern CA. Overnight, these amazing girls grew up and are now 10 and 12 years old - the 12 year old is as tall as my wife and the 10 year old is catching up quickly.

Every Spring, with a few exceptions, we visit our family in NoCAL to see our goddaughters in their annual play/musical. We have been treated to some of the most endearing and entertaining performances over the years – in one case, we saw a girl play Peter Pan who could hold her own against anyone on Broadway (it brings me to tears when I see a young person “do their thing” at such a young age). So, why am I writing about it this year? Well, a few things came up for me this weekend.

First, seeing our youngest goddaughter “do her thing” on stage was so moving – especially since her older sister is no longer in the same school with her and, therefore, no longer on stage with her! Not only was she on stage but she was one of the main characters and she was on stage in every scene. She is not only smart, intelligent and artistic but she is an introspective child who is very sensitive! Now, I can confidently add to that list- BRAVE. My chest filled with pride watching her on stage because I know she was probably nervous and “outside her comfort zone” but she got up on that stage and did it anyway and SHE ROCKED IT! I don’t know many adults who are as brave as she is!
She is also an amazing artist – I can’t wait to see what she creates along the way!

My other goddaughter had a basketball game on Sunday and we were treated to 28 minutes of hard-nosed, good basketball! I didn’t learn much about my goddaughter while watching her play basketball – I already knew that she was driven and hardworking. However, watching her game made me reflect on my own life and life in general. I wish some of the spoiled man-children who get paid millions of dollars a year to play basketball for a living in the NBA could have seen these girls play. If they had been there, they would have seen 8 – 7th graders take on a team of 12 girls who were all much larger and more experienced. At the same time, they wouldn’t have seen a single girl on my goddaughter’s team give up for 1 second - they would have seen girls play hard until the final buzzer. They would have seen girls who refused to back down from their larger opponents. They would have seen 28 minutes of hard-nosed basketball and 8 girls who love and respect the game. They would have seen 12 year old girls dive on the floor for balls, take hard fouls, give hard fouls, get hurt and come right back in the game. And, they would have seen phenomenal sportsmanship after these 8 girls lost the game. Finally, they would have seen 8 girls walk off the court proud of themselves because they knew that they gave 100% and nothing less. Again, I am proud.

Finally, I loved watching my goddaughters take care of my son – they were so sweet and loving to him that it really filled my heart to see. I love the fact that they are still good kids who put family first and are less concerned with “looking” cool and more concerned about being true to themselves (by the way, here is a little secret – those are the real cool people). I doubt they will ever read this blog post but I hope they know how proud I/we am/are of them (I will be sure to continue to tell them).

A special gift!

OK- this is what it is – a bragging session about my son.

My son turned 10 months old yesterday and I wanted to take a moment out to reflect on how special he really is – I don’t often brag about him because I think his spirit and beauty speak louder than I ever could.

I told my wife that I knew he was special while he was still in her belly – I told her that we would get stopped in the street daily and guess what???? I know that he is a beautiful boy and there is a segment of people who only notice that about him BUT there is another group of people (the majority of folks) who notice that other quality about him – that something special!!
From day 1 – literally- everyone has said that he seems like he has “been here before” – he has always had piercing/knowing eyes and he is always watching and smiling. He laughs constantly and RARELY cries (seriously). He is smart and he is engaging – he lets anyone hold him and he loves to flirt with everyone. Lately, he has discovered DOGS and he lets out the most adorable squeal when he sees one!

I love this child more than I ever thought I could love anyone – and I love openly and honestly…He makes me laugh and cry almost daily. I want to be with him all of the time. I fall in love with him all over every day.

He is a funny boy – he loves to “jump” and he has been trying to walk since he got here (people used to freak out when they’d see this tiny little baby with a full head of hair trying to walk – no he isn’t a circus freak). We took him to a class at Gymboree the other day and he was the only “verbal” (read screaming and squealing) child in the room and every time he locked onto another baby, he’d pull himself up and start “walking” towards them – THEN, without warning, he’d start jumping – it is the funniest thing ever!

With the kind of love and admiration I have for him, of course, come a lot of questions. First, how do I nurture his gifts? How do I “get out of his way” and let him become the person he is meant to be? I know every person believes that their child can change the world – I KNOW HE WILL. I am constantly working on myself so that I am ready to be the best father I can be. For now, I have taken the advice of friends and I spend lots of time on the floor with him. I watch him and try to see the world through his eyes - it is still a beautiful and amazing place from down there! :)

Any advice?

Why are you putting out that fire, Nigga?

Uggh.. I have not had access to the internet on a real computer since last Friday and it has literally driven me crazy. I am happy to be back! I have thought of a million things to blog about since Friday so forgive me if I am “all over the place” in this post.
AND… I promise that this blog won’t be a bunch of “gripes” and complaints (even though I feel like I have made this promise on every recent post).

So… I was out of town visiting family over the weekend in a relatively sleepy little suburban town. We were returning to our relatives’ home after meeting up with some friends for dinner when we saw some people standing near a fire burning on the street. At first, we couldn’t figure out what was going on – was this a bonfire? A campfire? What? It was strange because their neighborhood is so quiet, exclusive, and dark (and near a huge lake) so we couldn’t wrap our minds around the fact that this fire could have been started by stupid or irresponsible people with very bad intentions. However, as we got closer to the fire and the “fire-starters,” it was ABUNDANTLY clear that these people were attempting to cause very real damage.

I drove past our turn and I pointed my headlights on the fire that was just starting to catch on the dried leaves in the wooded area next to a pretty large suburban home. I didn’t even look at the people who were moving quickly away from the “scene.” Without thinking, I grabbed three ½- empty water bottles and jumped out of my car and quickly put out the fire (the fire was starting to spread and if it was about 30 seconds later, I would not have been able to put it out). As I am putting out the fire, I see two people run from the yard of the house closest to the fire. At the same time, from the shadows, I hear someone say “why you putting out that fire?” I was too focused on not getting burned to answer this ridiculous question.

So far so good, right? In my mind, up to this point, I have done what any responsible citizen should do, right? Well, here in the story is where I diverge from smart/responsible behavior. As I get back in the car, that question; “Why are you putting that fire out?” really irked me (and, at the same time, made me realize that these people are young and it is late!!). Again, without thinking, I turn the car around and drive up to the group of 8 teenagers - WITH MY WIFE AND CHILD IN THE CAR! I slow down and roll my window down (this clearly surprised this group of people – 2 ran into the bushes and the rest clearly stiffened up). I had the following exchange:

Me: (asking a relatively stupid question of them): “What are you doing?” or “Why are you starting fires in this neighborhood?”
One of the kids: Whatever, Nigga!
Me: (I didn’t grow up in an era when not EVERYONE could use any derivative of this word): Did you just call me nigger?
Same kid: Whatever!
Me: (opening my door) No, not whatever, did you just call me nigga?
My wife: Don’t engage these stupid kids – let’s go!

Something about her words totally chilled me out and I decided to let it go . Also, it struck me that they couldn’t see me and weren’t calling me a Nigger but trying to be cool and use “Nigga” like we used to use “man.” AND, I am a pretty large GROWN man and nothing good could have come from me confronting a group of kids! So, the adult version of me closed the door, turned the car around , which enabled me to SEE the kids’ faces and some of them were African American. However, while seeing that some of these kids were African American made me feel better about hearing the word “nigga,” it made me deeply concerned that these kids were in this affluent neighborhood, lighting fires. Now, I know that we are in the era of Obama and many of my conspiracy theories are going to fly out of the window if he is elected as our next President but I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THIS COUNTRY HAS CHANGED SO MUCH that if the police had gotten there in time they would not have singled out the black kids in the group (or, at a minimum, the long-term legal implications for them would be much greater as I KNOW that the law still works in a downward direction).

Anyway, I called the police and told them about these kids lighting fires… We went home and put OUR kid to bed. After he was asleep, my wife got very serious with me and asked me to be much more mindful and thoughtful about “getting involved” with stuff like that- especially since we have a child now! I admit that that made me feel a little defensive and I told her that (knowing that this was not her point) I would always act like this and GET INVOLVED – ESPECIALLY since I have a son because I don’t want him to be a person who doesn’t get involved. She looked at me as if to say “come on… you know what I mean!” And I did and I did promise her that I would be better (again, a promise that I feel like I have been making a lot lately).

Here are the questions I have:

Do these kids realize that I saved them from very serious criminal charges ??(if those dried leaves had caught, who knows how much damage, destruction, and death they could have caused).
Why were these kids out wandering the streets at midnight?
Where are their parents?
Why can’t adults confront young people who are out of order anymore?
How can I raise my son to NOT be like these kids and understand the ramifications of his actions?