Swing thoughts -1 in a series

So, today, I spent 45 minutes at the driving range and something hit me while I was struggling with the "same old same old" - I think I am swaying and that would explain a lot of the things I do on my downswing that drive me nuts (I've heard it said that the golf swing is a series of compensations). So, I started trying to "turn into" my right side on my backswing (with an emphasis on turning into my right hip and uncoiling from there - it felt great and I had A LOT more power). I am going to keep working on this and also try to see if I can find a better way to articulate what I am doing.

Wish me luck.

My Big Banana Slip Up!

YELLOW was the color of the banana peel that I threw out of my window at the car of the impatient driver who could not stop honking at me as we inched our way down Arlington Blvd. OH MY GOD! I was driving to a meeting near USC and I made the mistake of taking Arlington Blvd. Now, I don’t have anything against a street named Arlington- especially since I consider Northern VA home!! However, everyone on the west side of LA seems to think that this is the best way to get to I-10.

Brownish- black is the color of the banana residue that is probably still on her window right now. I am not sure why this woman got under MYskin – maybe because it was early and I was late. Maybe it was because she was riding my bumper on the passenger side of my car and couldn’t see that there was a car 2’ in front of me and a car 2’ in front of that car and so on and so on.. Maybe it is because she was driving a Honda Civic and I have my issues with civic drivers. OR, MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE SHE KEPT HONKING AT ME AS IF SHE WANTED ME TO RUN OVER THE CAR IN FRONT OF ME and is apparently too stupid to at least move to the other side of my car and SEE if there is a car in front of me (she also could have deduced that since the line of cars was a mile long).

Red was the color of my brown cheeks by the time I was able to get out of her way (the right lane was blocked by a broken down garbage truck). I pulled over and she jumped into the turning lane to get onto I-10 (and she actually had the nerve to look shocked when she saw traffic jamming up the lanes – she had to slam on her brakes as she tried to zip past me)…

Green was the color of my insides as I stepped out of character and started honking at her! I was so annoyed (although not mad) and I wanted her to look at me as she passed but she just looked straight ahead.. That is what really irked me – I wanted to ask her “where in the hell could I go? Do you want me to run over the Cadillac that was basically parked in front of me?” As I watched her ride the bumper of the guy next to me, I was finishing up the banana I was eating when something came over me and before I knew it a banana peel was soaring from my car to her passenger window (don’t you love how I switched to “passive voice” right there like I had nothing to do with it).

Silver is the color of my halo as I tell you that THIS behavior is WAAAYYYY out of character for me. I consider myself an excellent driver- excellent because I am very aware of what is going on around me, I take safety seriously, I watch and anticipate other drivers, and I am considerate and patient. However, I am always amazed by all of the poor driving that goes on around me (there is never a day that goes by that I don’t see something egregious)… I like to comment on the driving but that is it.. I honestly can’t say what came over me!!

White is the color of the flag that I am waving right now. IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GET THE HELL OUT OF LA.. I am not meant to be here – I don’t do well in city this large where no one seems to “see” each other and everyone is anonymous.

Special note on Karma = I paid $8 to park in the garage at USC and I left my car in a spot marked for the Sizzler restaurant (they weren’t open) and I got a $50 ticket. As my grandmother says “God doesn’t like ugly.” What can I say.. I am a work in progress..

My "Do the Right Thing" moment at the GAP

Yes, we are still making the rookie-parent mistake of shopping at the GAP but we may have been cured of this “issue”/habit by what happened the other day.. Before I go any further, let me say – I promise that this blog will not a place for me to rant and rave about all of the wrongs I encounter on a daily/weekly basis – I want it to be a positive thing BUT.. I’ve got to make an exception here.

So… me and my family went to the GAP at the Grove the other day to pick up some socks and “winter clothes” for our trip back east next week. We have been to this GAP a million times over the past 18 months (we got a ton of maternity clothes there too) so the changes jumped out at us relatively quickly. We walked up to the counter to pay adult prices for baby clothes and that is when I really “saw” the picture behind the counter. The picture behind the counter was probably 10’ x 5’ and had four babies smiling at us - all four of the babies were white baby boys. This was curious but I thought that maybe they were supposed to be brothers or something so I looked around at the other pictures in the room – there were probably a total of 12 baby pictures hanging in this department and only one was a child of color. Then, I looked at the customers and the department was packed with people of all colors.. And, the three women working behind the counter were Latinas.

Of course, I said something to the woman ringing us up! Here is how the conversation went:

Me: What up with the pictures?
Saleswoman: (laughing a knowing laugh): Don’t say anything…
Me: Seriously, I feel like I am in a Spike Lee movie - Yo… how come there ain’t no brothas up on the wall? On ANY of the walls
SW –(Laughing and looking around ) I did notice the picture behind us… We (nodding at the other women behind the counter with her) talked about that but I hadn’t really noticed the other pictures – it does look crazy doesn’t it?
Me; Crazy? It looks Hitler does your marketing!
SW – WOW. Actually, these people entered their babies in a competition
Me (holding my stunningly beautiful son) so did I – I guess he doesn’t fit the GAP ideal..
SW: NO? your son is beautiful!
Me; Yeah, we entered him. Then, (pointing to a sweet little Asian girl in a carriage next to us) – what about her ? She is perfect.SW: she is perfect isn’t she?!
Me; Yes, Marketing folks are just like casting directors in Hollywood. Maybe we should boycott GAP.
SW – (smiling and being surprisingly patient with my rant) don’t boycott us!
Me: Jeez, this is JUST like watching television –

Of course, I talked all of that trash and STILL bought all of my son’s clothes. However, I did get the address for the corporate offices and I will write a letter.
I know that no one from GAP will ever read this blog and they probably won’t even read my letter so I will share the highlights from this letter with you:
I will describe what happened during my recent visit. Then I will stress the following.

I am really distressed by the message you are sending to your customers. I believe that your in-store photos should reflect the wide array of people who shop at your store (like your ads that attract people to the store). AMERICA shops at GAP and America is diverse. Your in-store marketing tells me that you only value your white customers and don’t care about all of the money that the rest of America spends in your stores. What it also tells me is that your executive team is not very diverse.. SERIOUSLY, GAP, it is 2008!

I will go on and on in this letter then I will ask them to explain themselves. You know this brings up a much larger point for me – I am really sick and tired of having this thrown in my face --- The most recent example of this was the freaking Writer’s strike (I was calling it the “Whiter’s strike”) - I would have been embarrassed to strike if I was them – it looked like a damn Boston Fireman’s labor strike from the 1930s.

Look, I am going to stop here because I don’t want to waste any more time on the freaking GAP.. There are much bigger social issues that I should address and the pictures on the walls of the baby section of the GAP in Los Angeles is not the appropriate place to start! So, I am going to leave this for now but I am going to begin to engage all two of my readers in a much longer and deeper discussion about the many “isms” that are constantly at play in our society.

In the meantime, GAP - WAAAAAKKKKKEEEE UPPPPPPPPPP!!! (for all of your Spike Lee fans).

Actually, I like Phil Mickelson…

Yes, it is kind of weird that I am writing about Phil Mickelson at the beginning of what promises to be the greatest year in golf ever – Tiger is going to have a phenomenal year ! I predict that he will win all of the majors and win an incredible number of tournaments (I don’t see him losing for a long time :) - he will win this match play today – no disrespect to Cink fans!).

This may come as a shock to some of my friends who know me well (the good thing is that most of my friends aren’t going to read this :) ). Irrespective of all of the trash that I talk about Phil, I have always liked his game and I respect the way he has carried himself in the Shadow of Tiger Woods – DESPITE HOW THE MEDIA TRIES TO VILLIFY HIM. Before Tiger was “on the scene” (actually, avid golf fans knew who Tiger was years before he hit the PGA so he has been “on the scene” a lot longer than most folks realize), Phil was supposed to be “THE MAN.” In fact, when Phil won the Northern Telecom Open in 1990 as an amateur, expectations for his career shot through the roof.

And, I complain about playing the “if only” game (see 2/16/08 post ) – imagine being inside Phil’s head?

Sure, Phil might have won a lot more tournaments if Tiger decided to quit golf and become a jazz musician but would Phil have made as much money and would you watch him play every weekend? I have heard Phil acknowledge that most likely, the answer to both of those questions is NO! And, that is why I like Phil – He has been gracious in defeat (despite the countless misquotes) and he has acknowledged what Tiger brings to the game. I give Phil “props” because Tiger has overtly eclipsed his career more than any other guy on the PGA tour (Ernie Els’ countless second place finishes to Tiger notwithstanding) and I would at least UNDERSTAND if Phil was a “hater.” However, he is not.

Yes, Phil will try to prop himself up too – he will talk about his game improvements, equipment changes, and the fact that he feels like he can beat Tiger. And people get mad at him but WHAT ELSE IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? He is a professional athlete for God’s sake!

So, for the record, I like Phil Mickelson. HOWEVER, I DO NOT LIKE WHAT I THINK MOTIVATES A LOT OF HIS FAN BASE… At first I wasn’t mad at the fact that people were rooting for Phil – I love a good match as much as anyone and I love the UNDERDOG. However, as time went by I started to feel something else underlying all of this support for Phil – an anti-Tiger sentiment! I find that curious because it almost feels like folks are looking for a GREAT WHITE HOPE in an ALL WHITE SPORT! The PGA tour hasn’t exactly become the WBO. Tiger is the only African American who you see on the tour and Tiger Woods is not Jack Johnson!
A great white hope in GOLF? Really?! Golf fans who don’t love Tiger Woods, should take a really long, hard look in the mirror. Now, relax, I am not calling you a racist – yet! And, no I am not lumping you into the same group of folks who I’ve heard say “goddamn Tiger Woods when they’ve seen people of color walk to the first tee (these guys usually don’t like women on the course either – JESUS, I hope none of them are democrats this year : ) ). And, no, I am not saying that you are same as the folks that assume that every African American golfer started playing after they saw Tiger Woods play – Sure, you are very aware that just because we weren’t allowed to play on many courses doesn’t mean that we weren’t playing (a lot of those black caddies could have won a lot of tournaments - more on the asterisks I want to put on sports records before the early 70’s later).

This is what I love about Tiger Woods. Let me say this, up front, I don’t know the guy but how many of us know the people we watch play sports every weekend? I get the feeling that I wouldn’t necessarily want to hang out with him (just like Michael Jordan – fun to watch but I’d hate to drive across country with him) as I get the sense that they have a hard time relaxing and having fun (egos and over- competitiveness probably get in the way). However, as a public figure and representative golf, YOU’VE TO LOVE TIGER WOODS.

Tiger is the consummate professional and carries himself like a gentleman – in victory or defeat. (Tiger brought back taking off your cap when shaking your opponent’s hand). Tiger works hard on his game and takes immaculate care of his body – he respects his sport/profession. Tiger NEVER QUITS! Tiger has thrilled all of us many times over the past 15 years (I bet you can think of an amazing shot, round, comeback, broken record, streak, etc. that Tiger has shared with us and you have shared with your friends on the course). Tiger has made golf cool (when we were kids, the non-athletic kids or country club kids played golf – the rest of us played to hang with our dads J ). Tiger made hanging with your dad cool for kids – his relationship with his late father made a lot of guys reflect on their own relationships with their own fathers or sons. Tiger is charitable as hell! Tiger is a winner!

Finally, Phil Mickelson could and would add pages to my list of reasons why you should love Tiger Woods (I heard Phil joke once that Tiger has made him rich). If you don’t like Tiger Woods, please ask yourself why? And, let me know what you come up with!?!

Not to jinx myself but.......

I am happy to report that my year is off to a completely different start than any other year in my adult life! I am actually working towards reaching my goals. Sure I have kept small resolutions like working out regularly but this year it is completely different! One reason is that I am trying something completely different. Here is what I THINK is working for me –

1) I listed my goals and some objectives (I always do this).
2) I sat down and figured out my “patterns” and traps and developed strategies for what I was going to do when I started to fall back into old patterns
3) I am working hard to be “present” when I make decisions (easiest example is not eating “crap” mindlessly
4) I identified “replacement behaviors” (e.g., drinking tea when I feel anxious rather than eating a snack).
5) HERE IS THE BIGGIE – I started catching myself when I am talking/feeling negatively about and to myself. I would never talk to a friend or loved one that way so I had to “check” myself. I realized that these were simply tapes playing over and over in my head. So now, I consciously press “pause” and re-tape different messages over those old messages.


There are two things that I need to add to my game plan. First, I need to find someone to hold me accountable. Second, I need to get in the habit of revisiting my goals daily.

If you are reading this, feel free to check back with me and hold me accountable.

Sharing your gifts

Today I had lunch with a good friend of mine who paid me one of the nicest compliments that I have received in a long time. Wait, let me start at the beginning- well, sort of at the beginning. My buddy came in to the restaurant and he was beaming – almost literally. I immediately asked him how things were going as he was jumping out his skin. He proceeded to tell me that he has never been happier since he left his job 6 weeks ago. Here is the compliment – he said that he had ME to thank for this decision and the accompanying happiness! What?

2 months ago we had lunch together near my office – right after he took a new job- and he was NOT happy. In fact, he was borderline miserable and I understood exactly why he felt that way.. He left a very comfy and cozy job to take a job that logic said he couldn’t refuse. However, two weeks into the job he had the feeling that I always get every time I take a new job – a feeling that I don’t think I have the words to express. It is a feeling of heaviness in your stomach that stems from not doing something true to yourself and for some of us out here, WORKING for someone else is not being true to ourselves. My friend wants to be a working writer and every job he takes makes him feel one step further away from that goal.

So, 2 months ago I sat down and talked with him about where he was and how he was going to get where he wanted to go.. Side note for those of you who don’t know me yet – I AM AMAZING AT HELPING PEOPLE GET WHAT THEY WANT (I even talked a colleague into quitting smoking over tea during a staff retreat – 1 year later she still has not had a smoke) BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO DO IT FOR MYSELF. He and I talked about our upbringings and how we watched our baby-boomer dads work at the same gigs for decades (more on baby boomers later) and how that paradigm has shaped who we are now. We also talked about fear and the passage of time. I don’t know exactly what I said to him – I do know that I said it with passion and I suggested that it was now or never. I told him that since he has a phenomenal wife who would totally support this decision, he should do it while he is still flexible (no mortgage.. no kids). I told him about all of the things that I have wanted to do and “sat on my hands” and watched less talented people succeed where I didn't even try. A reckless disregard for the passage of time! (see 2/16 post).

I talked on and on during that lunch ( in fact, I felt a little bad because I usually try not to “hog” conversations because I don’t want to sound like a lawyer). I am passionate about this because I truly believe that when you are gifted at something you have a duty to share it with the world. Well, something in my words and passion must have resonated with my buddy because he went home and told his wife that he was going to quit and give the writing “thing” a try. She laughed because she couldn’t believe that she has been trying to convince him to do this for years and after 1 lunch with me, he was ready..

Today, he shared with me that almost as soon as he made the decision to quit and break out on his own, doors started swinging wide open and people in his life (including his parents) surprised him with their support. This is exactly how the universe works – at least as I understand it!!
I can guarantee that he is going to be a phenomenally successful writer and YOU will know his writing in the very near future – MARK MY WORDS and I promise to keep you posted!

Questions for you.

1) How do I persuade my brilliant photographer friend to truly break out and let the world experience his gift? He and I suffer from something else – we take rejection personally. Listen, my friend is a PHENOMENAL PHOTOGRAPHER – his work is stunning – visit http://www.raymondjonesimages.com/

2) How do I convince my other buddy to use his brilliant mind to help shape some of the public discourse in this country – he ought to be ashamed of himself that Michael Eric Dyson is out there “making it happen” and he is not!
Both of these friends are being selfish (not in a malicious way) with their talent and they need to let their lights shine for the rest of us. HOW CAN I HELP???

3) Don’t even get my started on my other friend and the book(s) he should have written by now- if you want to check out a real writer’s blog- see http://www.dawnsonink.net/ - jump on his site and tell him that he needs to write his book (this is not the same friend that I had lunch with).

A rainy day in Los Angeles

Well, as you know, I am an East Coaster trapped on the West Coast (I moved here to get married so forgive my whining) and I LOVE rainy days – it makes me feel like I am in a season (pick a season- any season). One crazy thing about living out here is that you lose a sense of the seasons and I didn’t realize how important they were for me UNTIL I didn’t have them.. Seriously, it affects me in many ways but one odd way is that I can’t remember when anything happened anymore – I used to use the seasons to narrow down when things happened (e.g., there was snow on the ground.. so we must have started dating in the winter J ).

But here is the craziest thing about rain in LA. ANGELENOS CAN’T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRIVE IN THE RAIN! Aren’t most of the folks who live here from somewhere else? I don’t know what it is but if you venture out on a rainy day, the roads look like Virginia roads during an ice storm. People are braking incessantly, sliding, and bending fenders all over the city. At the same, there seems to be this tug of war between drivers who see the rain as an opportunity to drive even faster and the drivers who believe it is a signal to drive half the speed limit.

But here is the dirty little secret. ANGELENOS CAN’T DRIVE WHEN IT IS NOT RAINING! I lived here 16 years ago and traffic was bad BUT folks seemed to be paying attention. I came back and I was SHOCKED to see how bad things had become - I am not lying when I say that not a day goes by when I don’t see someone behind the wheel:

⌂ With a dog in their lap,
⌂ Reading a book or newspaper
⌂ Typing emails or texts at a green light,
⌂ Doing their makeup (or shaving),
⌂ People/star watching
⌂ Or some combination of any of the above.

Add to these distractions this weird thing that I have observed in LA – people are not the friendliest drivers in the world. If you put your blinker on to change lanes, for instance, a lot of folks out here see that as a signal to speed up and NOT let you in. Also, there is a tinge of hostility that I always “chalk up” to the fact that folks are driven mad by sitting in their cars for hours just to drive very short distances (it is maddening). In addition, folks act different (read, a lot bolder) when they think they are anonymous (you don’t flip someone off when you know you are going to see them at the 7-11 or your child’s school later that day).
Put all of those factors together with all of the tiny people driving HUGE SUVs and you have the perfect storm for an interesting (read, miserable) driving experience.

P.S. Golfers, rainy days in LA are the best days to hit those public courses that you typically avoid because of the crowds – just tell yourself that you are working on your “bad weather game.”